Coping strategies for when things get tough
There’s no timetable for grieving. But there are things you can do to help yourself heal. Here, an expert shares their tips for coping with loss and the emotional roller coaster that can come with it.
Maybe you’re grappling with a loved one’s life-changing diagnosis, or perhaps you’re coming to terms with your own. You could be struggling through grief and loss after the death of someone who was important to you. Whatever the circumstances are, there are coping strategies that can help.
Ellen Astrachan-Fletcher, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist who teaches at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine, suggests these six strategies for coping with loss.
Strategy #1: Take time to think and grieve
Your first step when dealing with difficult times is to hit the pause button, says Astrachan-Fletcher. “This is enormous, difficult information to digest and comprehend,” she says. “Don’t make any rash decisions. No matter what your first impulse might be, take some time to take it all in.”
Give yourself the freedom to feel and acknowledge your emotions, whether they’re frustration, anger, or fear.
Strategy #2: Call a family member or friend
Who are the friends and family members you call when things are great, or not so great? They are the ones you should rely on right now.
“Connecting with people is the most important thing right now, especially when all you really want to do is retreat into yourself,” says Astrachan-Fletcher. “Don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Allow yourself to be honest and to cry if you need to.”
You can also consider looking into support groups if you’re not comfortable being open or up front with your loved ones about what’s troubling you. Some good resources can be found at griefshare.org and cancer.org. Whether you’re looking to chat with others undergoing the same treatment as you or are simply looking for more information, you can typically find a condition-specific program to fit your needs.
Strategy #3: Prioritize self-care
If the tough news you’re processing is about a loved one, it’s important to take care of yourself before you take care of anyone else.
For you, self-care might be getting a massage, watching a favorite movie, or taking some time to meditate. Try your best to rest as much as you need, and to eat regular, wholesome meals. It may also help to lighten your schedule. And make a point not to be too hard on yourself if you’re not as productive as you usually are.
Strategy #4: Pen your feelings
Studies have shown that writing about stressful events in our lives can help us make sense of the difficulties we’re facing.
Even writing a note to someone in your inner circle or on your care team can help boost feelings of well-being. Consider keeping a journal or writing a note to someone who did a small act of kindness for you. Writing and expressing gratitude are both therapeutic.
Strategy #5: Get outside
When you’re dealing with tough news, you might be unable to get to the gym. But during stressful times, just walking around the block might be enough. Easy and gentle exercise has been shown to boost people’s moods. One study found that exercise stimulates the production of mood-enhancing chemicals in your brain, such as serotonin.
Strategy #6: Reach out to a professional
Sometimes, dealing with difficult changes can be made easier by working with an expert. Grief and loss are normal human emotions, but sometimes they are especially intense or lead to problems with everyday functioning that won’t go away. In these cases, it’s best to talk to a doctor or therapist who can help you adjust to changes in your life in the healthiest ways possible.
